Chasing labels and the need to be smart

I have a problem: I need people to think I’m smart.

There’s a tagline on Reddit’s ENTP subreddit. We’re better than you. I laughed the first time I saw it. Because that’s me.

I was born with this arrogance, this assumption that I shouldn’t be worse than anyone else.
But I am worse at plenty of things. There’s plenty I can’t do.
And then the thought creeps in: everyone else can do this, why can’t I? Am I not good enough? Am I actually not smart at all?

Why does “smart” matter so much? It probably goes back to childhood. My parents loved bragging about me to other people.

“My son is so smart. He barely studies and still gets great grades."
"My son is so talented. He picks up everything fast.”

I figured out early on that if I performed well, my parents would be happier.
If they were happier, they’d fight less. The house would be more peaceful.
Maybe I believed that if I were just a little smarter, they wouldn’t fight, wouldn’t separate, and everything would be okay.

That chapter is over. But the pattern stayed.

“My son goes to Stanford."
"My son is a senior engineer at Meta."
"My son built an amazing app.”

Even now, I’m still collecting labels. Calling myself a “slash kid.” Let’s be honest. I just want more slashes.

Labels, to me, are assets that maintain the illusion of “smart.”
Like diversifying a portfolio so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket, the more labels I collect, the lower the risk of someone discovering I’m not actually smart.
And as long as I don’t fail, my existing track record stays safe. That’s why I procrastinate near the finish line. Something in me resists completion.

All of this is about getting validation. Making people think I’m impressive, that I’m smart. I want to be a writer and a YouTuber, partly because I have things to say, but partly because these feel like the easiest paths to recognition. Maybe the fantasy is that if I become impressive enough, everything I’ve wanted but never had will simply fall into place, and everyone around me will be a little happier too.

But I know chasing validation is a losing game. Other people’s opinions are something I can’t control. Get them, and you can lose them at any moment. Building happiness on something that unstable is irrational.

Derek Sivers has a post that asks: “What would you do if you already had enough money and fame?” I thought about it for a long time and had no answer. But once, briefly, I did.

That afternoon in Amsterdam, eating magic truffles, all the baggage disappeared.
No labels needed. No need to be smart. No competition.
Just sitting there, eating chips, listening to music I love, happily noticing everything around me, noticing details I normally miss.

Maybe that’s the most real version of me.

But I can’t stay in that place without something external holding me there. So for now, I keep collecting labels, keep performing smart, until someday I don’t need to anymore.

Alex Hsu

Indie developer, AI music miner, and aspiring writer.
Documenting my journey of personal growth and the pursuit of simplicity.