In games

In games, every boss is terrifying the first time you meet it.

Massive health bar, attacks that cover half the screen, moves you’ve never seen before. You die over and over and start thinking there’s no way you can beat this thing.

But you beat it anyway.

Then you push forward, run into an even harder boss, and think it’s impossible again. And you beat that one too.

One day you go back to an old area. The boss that killed you a dozen times? One hit and it’s dead.

You actually laugh. “How did this thing ever give me trouble?”

The boss didn’t get weaker. You got stronger.

Every gamer has had this experience. Stages that felt impossible at the time are laughably easy in hindsight. That old boss? Not even worth calling a regular enemy now.

And you start to notice a pattern: every time you face a new boss, you think you can’t win. And every time, you win anyway.

In reality

In real life, everyone has had a moment where they thought: “This is it. I’m done.”

Failed an exam and felt like your life was over. Got laid off and thought the sky was falling. A relationship fell apart and you were sure you’d never recover. Bank account nearly empty and you couldn’t see a way forward.

The feelings in the moment are real. The anxiety, the fear, the despair. All of it.

But looking back?

That thing that kept you awake three years ago. Do you even remember what it was?

That crisis from ten years ago that felt like the end of the world? It’s probably just a story now. Maybe even a joke.

It’s not that those things weren’t serious. It’s that you got stronger.

Your stress tolerance went up. Your experience grew. You’ve seen more of the world. If the same problem came back, you’d handle it better than you did back then.

This is the same pattern from games: the boss’s level is fixed, but yours keeps going up.

What is anxiety, really? It’s using your current level to imagine a future boss. “That challenge is too big. I’ll never beat it.” But you’re forgetting something: by the time you get there, your level won’t be the same either.

This isn’t saying problems don’t exist. And it’s not blind optimism.

It’s saying that if you look back at your own life, you’ll find a fact: every single time you thought you couldn’t make it through, you made it through.

You don’t need to make the perfect decision. You just need to make the best decision you can right now. Leave the rest to time.

Time turns bosses into trash mobs.

Today’s boss will be tomorrow’s trash mob.

Player notes

In college, I forgot to turn in major assignments twice and missed final exams more than once.

Pulling an all-nighter to study, accidentally falling asleep, and waking up to realize the exam was already over. That panic, that feeling of wanting to disappear. I still remember it.

I wrote in my journal: “I’m the stupidest person alive. My life is over.” I’m normally a pretty optimistic person, but during that stretch I genuinely felt beyond saving. I was so ashamed I wanted to go beg the professor on my knees for a retake. But what kind of idiot sleeps through a final exam? “I overslept” isn’t even a real excuse.

Some professors let me retake it. Others didn’t. The courses where I couldn’t retake turned what should have been good grades into barely passing.

Twenty years later, while writing this book, I discovered I have ADHD. That explained a lot of things that had been bothering me for years.

But those mistakes and grades that made me feel like my life was over? They had zero impact on my actual life. Nobody has ever asked me what courses I took in college. Nobody cares what score I got in any class. It felt like the sky was falling, but the sky never fell.

Life threw plenty more “sky is falling” moments at me after that. Making a mistake at work and thinking I’d get fired. Low points in my marriage. Tensions with family. There were even moments involving physical safety.

Every single time I thought: this is it, it’s really over.

Every single time, I got through it.

Not because I’m especially tough. It’s because people just get through things. Time passes, emotions fade, and then you realize you’re still standing here, and you’re better equipped to handle it than before.

Looking back at all these crises, I noticed something: in every moment, I made the best decision I could at the time. Not necessarily a good decision, but the best one within my ability.

After getting through crisis after crisis and growing stronger each time, I developed a strange kind of confidence.

Not the “I’m not afraid of anything” kind. The “even if the worst happens, I’ll figure something out” kind. The more you go through, the easier it gets to accept that things have a way of working out.

Engineers design structures by considering every worst-case scenario. I’ve found life works the same way. I’ve always planned around worst cases. What if I go broke? What if World War III breaks out? What if I get cancer? What if I get hit by a car tomorrow? I do my best to prepare and prevent, but I also accept that if the worst actually happens, there’s only so much I can do.

Go broke. OK.
World War III. OK.
Cancer. OK.
Hit by a car tomorrow. OK.

Once you’ve thought through the worst and accepted it, everything else seems small by comparison. And then you’re not afraid anymore.

Next boss? OK.

Leveling tips

□ Write down three things you once thought were “the end of the world” but now look back on as nothing. Remind yourself: today’s anxiety will feel the same way someday.
□ When you’re anxious, ask yourself: have I already made the best decision I can right now? If yes, let it go.
□ Imagine the worst case. Do what you can to prevent it, then accept it. Once you’ve thought it through, the fear loses its grip.
□ Will this thing still keep you up at night five years from now? If not, it doesn’t need to keep you up tonight.
□ Look at your “boss list” from five years ago. You’ll find that the current you could one-shot every single one of them.