People change

I have a close friend I’ve known since second grade.

After more than twenty years of friendship, we’ve grown completely out of sync. He loves going to nightclubs, drinking, and networking. I prefer staying home, reading, and working on self-improvement. When he invites me to dinners, his friends talk about how fun the club was last night and how hot the girls were. I don’t enjoy loud scenes like that—I’d rather attend a book club. He’d say, “Why read all those useless books?”

But I still cherish this friendship. So I found an activity we both enjoy—ping pong. Now I just play ping pong and chat with him, skipping his dinner parties.

Sometimes I think about how friendships really depend on timing. Unlike college or adulthood where you can choose your major or join clubs based on your interests, elementary through high school is completely passive. Where you live, which school you attend—it’s all decided by your parents. And just like that, a bunch of completely different types of people get thrown into the same classroom for years, naturally going from classmates to friends. It’s hard to have that kind of opportunity again as an adult.

This reminds me of another college friend. The university I went to was a top-five party school in America. He was an officer in the Taiwanese Students Association, drinking and partying every day. I was a homebody who didn’t fit in at that university at all, preferring to stay in my dorm playing video games, reading web novels, and watching anime¹. Aside from classes, I just stayed home, only hanging out with friends occasionally. So I quickly labeled him as “not my kind of person”—at most a Facebook friend.

Then recently, when catching up with classmates I hadn’t seen in years, someone mentioned him: “You know so-and-so? He’s doing amazing now.”

I looked him up online. He now idolizes Tim Ferriss, hosts a podcast, quit drinking, meditates, takes cold showers, and constantly talks about “discipline equals freedom.” He’s basically my type of people at this stage of my life, someone I should learn from. Since I’d already deleted Facebook, I found his contact info, messaged him to say how impressive he was, and subscribed to his podcast. Now I listen occasionally, nodding along in agreement.

This once again validates the Buddhist concept of “impermanence.” Just like the cells in our bodies are constantly changing, our thoughts, values, and lifestyles are also constantly changing. People on the same path may eventually go separate ways. People on different paths may eventually find common ground.

So don’t jump to conclusions too quickly. Today’s stranger might be tomorrow’s close friend. Today’s best friend might become just an acquaintance. It’s all normal.